diff --git a/src/mute/copy/complex/mistress/04.twee b/src/mute/copy/complex/mistress/04.twee index 5b56eda..0791990 100644 --- a/src/mute/copy/complex/mistress/04.twee +++ b/src/mute/copy/complex/mistress/04.twee @@ -49,7 +49,7 @@ How is this unjust to you? What the fuck, lady? I feel like what's happening has significance, I may have to give it some \ thought later. Em mounts the bed again and puts the eyelet back, and it does \ hurt, but not catastrophically, and not for long. She fiddles with the pliers -\ again to restore the flarings, and it honestly doesn't hurt all that much, +\ once more to restore the flarings, and it honestly doesn't hurt all that much, \ for all her angry talk I'm sure she is being careful still. So... What now? \ I don't want to play anymore, I want to be alone again. I guess in some ways \ I do have my wish granted, don't I? She made me feel very good, and now I @@ -88,13 +88,117 @@ She's lacing me up again, then she unties my legs and the jacket and the hook \ from the bed, and pulls me up so I sit, and then gestures me to stand up. \ I do. I don't really care. A stream of saliva is running down my chest, \ someone might find it attractive. She rotates her finger in the air and I -\ turn around. She gets behind me and takes the hook out. Eh. +\ turn around. She gets behind me and ties the hook to the collar of the +\ jacket, I guess she doesn't want to take it out yet. Then she goes out again +\ and I don't. I don't really want anything now, I don't care what's happening +\ or what will happen, I'd run away if I could... or maybe I don't care enough +\ even to run away. I know I'm overreacting again, no recent event should +\ have made me feel this way, but something did, and now I do feel this way, +\ and what are you supposed to do now, that you already have these emotions? +\ Just wait, I guess, sooner or later something else is going to happen and +\ I'll like it, and then something else will happen and I will be depressed, +\ and again, and again, and on, and on. Is it normal? I don't know. At least +\ if I were insane Foxy would have told me I hope. She did say I need help +\ that one time, maybe I do, but her help would be a life of antidepressants, +\ and I don't know about that. +Em is back, she ties something else to the collar and tugs on it, and then +\ she manipulates me to turn me around, but not on the spot, rather over a +\ large circle, like it's she who's turning around, having something long in +\ her hands... Did she take a broom and is using it as some sort of a handle? +\ She pushes me forward and I start walking out of the bedroom and towards the +\ secret door. Well, that's gonna look silly, like that's a picture people in +\ the complex will have to react to, like imagine seeing THAT. You're on your +\ way to meet Sheila for coffee again, and now you see that young female +\ colonel, with a ring gag, with eyelets in her pussy, like it's a boot or +\ something, in a straitjacket, being pushed forward by an agent, using a +\ broom... That's gonna make your day for sure. Forget day, you'll keep +\ remembering it until your dying breath or maybe there's something very +\ important nobody told me about this complex, if that's something you just +\ don't notice, like a printer in your office or your wife's new hairstyle. +"No, this is stupid." +She removes the broom and stands it against the wall. +"If you fall, I'll catch you. We're going to my place, I'll give directions. +\ Elevator. Stop. Turn around, come to me." +We are beyond the door now, and she takes a moment to close it. The gag is +\ really uncomfortable, nearly painful now, and I drool much more than usual. +"If I had a dick, it would be extremely hard, that's how sexy you look." -- +\ Um, thanks? I'm not in the mood at the moment, sorry. -- "Now, elevator." +\ -- We go inside, she closes the door and pushes the button. -- "I know you're +\ in pain. I want it to go away, but before it gets better it has to get worse. +\ I sound like I have a plan, but I actually don't, I may have a premonition +\ and I hope it will work out. While we walk I'll tell you something, please +\ listen. Do you still think we're friends?" -- I mean... ... I nod. -- +\ "Good, so this is not an order, and I'm not your dom. I'm your friend, and +\ I'm asking for a favour." +She takes a moment to collect her thoughts. +"Asking for informed consent is what you usually do. You know that and I know +\ that and I know you've given it some thought and I've also given it some +\ thought, and this is where I am now -- sometimes you don't. I'm not talking +\ about torture or court orders or war or any of that. I mean sometimes the +\ mere act of giving consent invalidates the thing you are consenting to. I'm +\ sure you understand, this is what you ask me to do, to remove your right to +\ consent in order to experience life without it. Some other times consent +\ can't be meaningfully given at all, so either you do what's needed without +\ it, or you walk away because you are afraid like a little pussy. Well, I'm +\ not afraid. I can take responsibility. I'll do what I believe you need. I'll +\ make decisions for you, and if you don't like the result, I'll make it right +\ by you in whatever way you choose. I'm aware it's a problematic position." +We're walking the corridors again, I'm not trying to navigate, I'm just walking +\ forward, making turns when Em wants me to. This is an interesting topic, but +\ I'm not ready to comment yet, and she's not asking for my opinion anyway. + +"You see, I share your mayday reaction, and I think you should have sent it out +\ a long time ago, but you don't want to inconvenience people around you to +\ come and rescue you, and I think you're wrong. When you are ready to rescue +\ others, at the same time you have to give others a chance to rescue you too." + +She does make sense, it would be fair. I think I would send a mayday if my life +\ was in an objective immediate danger. Objective. Immediate. Life. You're +\ talking about my emotions, come on, my feelings, this is not something you +\ request a rescue team to help you with. Mayday mayday mayday Mute Classified +\ is feeling down mayday mayday mayday requesting a friend to talk to mayday +\ mayday mayday having a bit of an emotional wreck mayday mayday mayday. Nope. + +"None of this has anything to do with getting back at you for your assignment. +\ I'm trying to help my friend here, all right? One other thing." -- She +\ collects her thoughts again. -- "Most of the time none of us knows what we +\ want anyway. All we want is someone to love and everything to be okay. And +\ I promise, everything will be okay, Mute." + +You know what, it's hard being emotional with a large ring gag in your mouth. +\ She'll have to tell me this again, later, when we cuddle in bed or something. +\ Someone to love would be nice though. And for that someone to love me back +\ would be even nicer. + +"Sometimes you want something, but later you wish you didn't do it, sometimes +\ you don't want something, but later you regret not doing it. Sometimes you +\ submit to pressure, and later you actually like what you're doing. Sometimes +\ you pressure others to do something you no longer find all that great. Most +\ importantly if you regret your own decisions, that regret will poison you for +\ the rest of your life, especially if you blame yourself for other people's +\ unsatisfaction, real or otherwise, but if the fault was not yours... Well, +\ in your case you somehow find a way to make it yours anyway, but normally +\ you can let it go much easier, get over it and get back to being all right. +\ You -- you, Mute -- tend to forgive others, but not yourself. For the most +\ trivial shit, like being late for dinner, you will act like you're a war +\ criminal, and it's seriously unhealthy. Especially considering that real +\ war criminals tend to not feel guilty at all. I don't know why I'm telling +\ you all this, maybe I want you to know my thoughts is all." + +She doesn't tell me anything else, and I don't have a coherent thought, rather +\ some loose associations and blurry images of distant things, unlikely events +\ and undefined people. It's interesting to have placeholders in your own +\ visualizations, like this is, like, a person. Any person. Could be you. + +We walk and walk and walk and then [[we arrive at her place.|next]] + +(end of page)