I woke up tired, but determined. Today is the day, the last day of this shitshow,
\ I'll make it count. I was entertaining a particular idea for some time now,
\ and I think I get it figured out. It involves being in a lot of pain, of course,
\ so I'm not looking towards it, but at the same time I am. Did I become
\ a complete masochist by now? If that involves enjoying pain, not really, no,
\ not at all, but why then do I keep doing it to myself? I voluntarily, even
\ eagerly subject myself to what others might think is torture, and I don't
\ have objectively good reasons for it. Something something feeling guilt?
\ Girl, why do you even feel it in the first place? What did you do wrong?
\ Something something feeling depressed? Stop being such a hypochondriac
\ and go find a job! Something something bonding with 28? You don't usually
\ make friends by hurting them and then hurting yourself in front of them,
\ now do you? No, no you don't.

This is just something I know is a right thing to do, I'm just certain I need
\ to do this is all. I can't explain it, I just know it, or better put,
\ I perceive it to be true, that's my whole reasoning, I don't have anything else.
\ Time will tell whether I was right, and the judgement day is coming fast,
\ and I can't wait, because I'm really tired of this shit by now.

So, an idea. At first I wanted to do this to 28, but I decided against it,
\ so I will do it to myself of course, because the idea is just that good,
\ I can't let it go to waste, I just can't. I don't want 28 to be in agony,
\ I'm afraid it's gonna hurt too much, but me? I can take it, I'm sure. I also
\ don't think it's cool to leave an agent with marks that would be easily
\ identifiable. Yes, she already has one, but it's not a reason to give her more.
\ Me? Why would I care about being identified? Maybe it even turns me on a bit,
\ maybe even a lot, all right? Maybe I always wanted my pussy pierced, but didn't
\ have a chance and guts to do it before. No anesthetics of course, that would
\ defeat most of the purpose. Ooooh, this is gonna hurt. I shudder. Bunny needs
\ a heads up, I guess.

> Please get a refresher on piercing techniques.
>> Mam, yes, mam!

It looks silly written in chat, but whatever, I just need to keep up for one day.
\ One day, I can do it, no problem. Now, there is this thing I'll need to make it
\ look good. I open the catalog app and make an order, I'll pick it up on my way.

I take a quick shower. No hot water of course, I don't find it appropriate
\ to enjoy life. It also sets the mood, I remind myself of the situation and
\ the mission, and of what to expect. I don't want to do it, but I do, I guess
\ I'm just repeating myself. Time to go, I put the uniform on and start walking.
\ I'm sure girls will bring coffee, and I'd rather do it on empty stomach, so
\ let's skip the canteen and go pick up the order. What did I order? Well,
\ it's a box of small metal eyelets, a riveter to set them in place and
\ one black silk ribbon, I'm sure I don't need to explain.

"Colonel!" -- Bunny isn't here yet, so we can just relax for a bit. Foxy did
\ bring coffee, much appreciated. I raise the cup in her direction, she salutes
\ me back and clacks her shoes. I'll just start to write down instructions
\ for them I guess. Do I draw a picture? Nah, I'm sure they have a bigger sense
\ of aesthetics than I do anyway, it's gonna be fine. I'll describe the end result
\ as I see it though, the practical aspects. I want as many as they can fit, but
\ with some room inbetween, close to the edge, but not right at the edge...
\ I want it to look good open, but I also want it to look good laced up. I hope
\ they can work with this, we'll see. You know, if it will come out all crooked
\ and uneven, I can accept it as well, I appreciate a bit of punkiness here
\ and there. And there, heh. What was it, wabi-sabi or something? Anyway. I would
\ prefer symmetry and order though, like a well-made piece of leather clothing,
\ this is what I have in my mind. I'm removing time limit for today, they should
\ not hurry anywhere. I'm also reminding that 28 must have a good view of what's
\ happening, both the work area and my face. I hit the send button.

As Foxy reads my message, her face twitches just slightly. Does she approve?
\ Does she think it's too much? Is it her kink or is it very much otherwise?
\ Maybe it's nothing and she just had a completely unrelated little twitch,
\ my depravity having nothing to do with it? I don't really care as long as
\ she wouldn't object, I am my own judge, jury and executioner, thank you
\ very much. She looks at me. Do I see a hint of sadness in her eyes? Oh,
\ it's gone now, back to strict professionalism. Good for you, agent Foxy,
\ I'm sure you are a perfectly stable person with a long happy life in front of you.

"Of course, mam."

I guess I'm not insane yet then. I need to deal with Old Man now, he might get
\ another stroke should the picture become too vivid. I come to his bed and sit
\ beside him. He's looking good, smiling at me, and I yet again feel very tired.

> Today is the last day of 28's suspension and I have a special show for her.
> Could you turn away and... not watch it? It might take several hours I'm afraid.

"If you promise me you'll be alright, Mute." -- his face is serious now, I'm
\ a fucking open book to everyone I guess. I nod. -- "Just don't overdo it, please."

I shouldn't oversell it to myself again, it may very well be not that bad.
\ I sign hesitation, but catch myself, he might get the wrong idea.

> I won't overdo it. It may even be not a big deal, I just want to

What is it, Mute? Why do you want Old Man to turn away? I need a good reason. I sigh.

> make this personal between us, sorry.

"Oh man, I never wanted to intrude, I'm just stuck here in this stupid bed
\ you know..." -- I hug him. Please don't get me all guilty again. --
\ "Of course, I'll just read this book and you do your thing... Mute,
\ it's alright, I don't mind one bit..."

I accept your generosity, Old Man. I nod and get up. Now, 28 herself. I walk
\ to her bed and look at her, thinking how best to do this. She oinks at me.
\ Today I want her without stuff, so I take her hood off. I want to see her face
\ unobstructed. She's sweaty under the leather. Is it fear on her face? Is she
\ afraid of me? Fuc-king hell, who did I become? Now I want the needle to hurt
\ as much as it can, like what the fuck Mute. I'll save it for later, now
\ I'll just lick her face... or not, it may come out as creepy. I'm clearly
\ in a hole and I should stop digging.

I lift her bed to sit her upright, take my coffee and hold the cup against
\ her lips. She takes a sip and oinks at me. Good piggy. I stroke her head
\ and scratch behind her ear. Bunny walks in and salutes me, holding a bag
\ in her left hand. Foxy shows her my message and Bunny starts to read. I walk
\ towards them, anxious, I need Bunny to accept. I stand in front of them
\ while Bunny reads, finally she nods.

"Mam, yes, mam!" -- I exhale with relief, let's do it.

I undress while they position the X-cross so that 28 will have a good view.
\ When they finish I walk towards it and they fix me in place, facing 28 of course.
\ Foxy puts a bit gag in my mouth and a posture collar on my neck, and she
\ locks it tight, I'm guessing her reasoning being I want to watch 28's face,
\ I don't need to watch the surgery itself. I would be wet by now in other
\ circumstances, but all I feel is what a bad person I am and how much
\ it's gonna hurt very soon.

I hear a small appliance buzzing. Oh fuck, I completely forgot about it.
\ Oh-oh-oh-OH-OH-OH-OOOH-OOOOOOH! No waxing I guess, just your plain simple
\ epilator. They don't wait for pain to go away, they keep going.
\ OH-OH-OH-OH-OOH-OOOOH-OOOOOOOH-OOOOOOOOOOH! FUCK! I'd thrash in my bonds
\ already, but they don't give any play at all. Good, I don't want to make
\ any sound, Old Man may become worried more than I'm sure he already is.

I think about Old Man and accept the pain. Actually I don't need to be
\ all that guilty towards him, tomorrow I'll stop hurting him I hope. This is
\ the last time you need to be unhappy because of me, Old Man, I promise.
\ OOOOOH-OOOOOOOOOH the pain returns. I focus on 28. Her face is sad
\ once again, I got used to this picture. She looks at me with tearful eyes,
\ like always, probably begging for the pain to stop. My pain, not hers. I guess
\ my pain becomes her pain, which was the plan all along. Why am I so cruel
\ to you, 28? I love you! You are the most dear thing in this small world
\ of mine and it is my duty to hurt you, why? Why do I go along with this,
\ why didn't I stop this, what was it, Milgram experiment? A long time ago?
\ Immediately? I know why. You've become the most dear thing in my life
\ exactly because I've hurt you so much. Was it your wish? Did I guess right?
\ If it was, why are you so sad? I hope your sadness will go away,
\ you don't need to wo--

SSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIII--

I close my eyes and pant heavily. It was a big deal after all, I guess the needle
\ came through. It will come through many more times and I'm thankful for that.
\ I open my eyes again, blink to clear tears away and look at 28. She's crying now,
\ keeping silence best she can. You shouldn't wo--

OH-OH-OH-OH-Oh-oh-OH-OH

I think they are installing an eyelet into the hole, it hurts as well. Can you
\ get used to this? Will it hurt more or less? I feel pressure, more pressure,
\ MORE PRES-- FUUUUUUUCK they must have crimped the eyelet now. I think Bunny
\ does the work and Foxy? Maybe hands the instruments. I hope they let 28 see
\ as much as possible, I want her to know what's happening, to imagine what
\ I feel and also to appreciate the resu--

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

That's a second, the opposite side now. Actually it isn't that bad. The pain
\ is sharp and overwhelming, but it goes away quickly, leaving just a throbbing
\ that I can IGNORE NO PROB-- I pant heavily again. Thank fuck for the gag,
\ I'll be grinding my teeth now if not for the gag. I think we'll need
\ to throw it aWAY NOW FOR ALL THE BITE MArks should I not chew through it
\ outright. I hope I won't, that would be a problem. My mind is starting
\ to slow down. I should focus on 28 again, no more distractions. She's still
\ crying silently, I want her tears to go awa--

AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa...

How much more to go... Does it matter... Before my eyes is not 28 as she is
\ at the moment, but the face of 28 holding a gun against my forehead,
\ her mouth... trembling... her eyes... in panic... Yeah, that's another
\ eyelet going in, yeah, it hurts like hell, yeah, I want it to stop,
\ but does it matter... No, it's nothing in comparison to what I did to her.
\ Now, NOW the guilt is here, and it hits like a fucking truck, and I'm drowning
\ in it, helplessly trying to get on surface, but there is no hope, there is
\ no surface, there is only 28's face... I'm drowning in her face, I can't
\ breathe very well, I'm not going to be able to ever look at her again, and
\ I love her so much now, because I've hurt her so much, and how is this not
\ the most fucked up thing there is... -- "come here" -- 28 is talking to me,
\ sorry 28, I can't move, I'd do anything you ask for, but I can't... -- "well
\ who's fault is that?" -- mine, this is all my fault... -- "if you weren't
\ so unbelievably dumb" -- I was, and I still am, and I'm so sorry... -- "look
\ at her face" -- whose face, 28? -- "I don't think she can hear us" -- oh,
\ agent Foxy comes into view, of course she can't... -- "why are you here?" --
\ to overview your punishment... -- "well, are you helping?" -- I don't know,
\ I don't know, 28... -- "what do you think is happening here?" -- I'm hurting
\ myself in order to punish you... -- "overall, do you think I'm just playing
\ with some girl from above?" -- I didn't consider this... -- "well, I'm not" --
\ I'm sorry you sound so sad... -- "the orders did not come from me" -- I know,
\ all the orders were mine, it's all my fault... -- "classified" -- yes, that's
\ the name you gave me, 28 -- "you are such a failure" -- I know, I know and
\ I'm so so sorry... -- "you were given an order" -- I didn't have
\ to follow it... -- "an order is an order, you have to do it and do it right" --
\ but I'm not a real colonel, I'm just a useless camwhore... -- "you should
\ think what you are going to do after" -- I'll go away, lay down and
\ never get up... -- "why did you go along with this?" -- because I got
\ carried away... -- "were you coerced into it?" -- no, I could have refused
\ at any moment... -- "whatever you do, don't give her reason to feel guilty" --
\ agent Foxy, I take full responsibility... -- "I understand
\ you aren't friends" -- I still like her, and she's friends with you... --
\ "if anything bad happens to her" -- I won't allow it... -- "and she is
\ this close to harming herself" -- Foxy, please, none of this is
\ on you... -- "shmerapy, she needs a friend" -- I am the worst friend anyone
\ can find... -- "a genuine friend, not an ordered one" -- I know I can't order
\ friendship... -- "you have less than a day" -- I'll do my best, 28, I'll do
\ anything... -- "I repeat, why are you here?" -- I don't know, I'm so sorry... --
\ "get your noggin' joggin'" -- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... --
\ "wake up" -- but I'm not sleeping... -- "wake up" -- 28, I love you... --
\ "wake up" -- you smell so nice...

There is a new sensation, I'm being slapped across the face.

"Mute, wake up."

[[28 stands before me.|next]]

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