wtssts/src/mute/copy/complex/28/31.twee

She's not crying anymore, she looks concerned. I blink and try to cover my face,
\ but I'm still fixed to the X-cross. She looks at me intently, then silently
\ returns to her bed. I feel empty, what do I do now. Is this stupid thing over?
\ I want to leave and never return, I'll go away, just away, whatever. My collar
\ is being unlocked and removed as well as my gag, and I drop my head. Yeah,
\ looks like it's done, my pussy is bandaged and sore, I feel the throbbing
\ in many places all at once, but I couldn't care less, what-e-ver. Someone
\ is unlocking my ankles and I stand on the floor, then my wrists are free
\ and I quickly turn around. I can't look at 28, at least right now, I can't.

I drop down on a chair and start dressing. Agents are looking at me,
\ I need to tell them something I guess. I pick up my phone.

> Very good, agents, thank you.

They are silent. Something's wrong.

> What is it?

They just look at me. Foxy starts to type, why?

>> Mam, you need help. Please spend the night with us and we'll talk tomorrow.

No, I want to be alone.

> You've helped already, excellent job agents.

They look unconvinced. No matter, I'm the officer here. I finish putting on
\ the uniform and stand up.

> Operation 28 is a success, please do the formalities, I'll be around if you need me.

I leave the hospital and walk wherever, just wandering around. I have nothing
\ to do anymore, no one to see, nowhere to be. I want out. I want my clothes back.
\ I find the way to my room and change. The catsuit feels very nice again,
\ I appreciate the tightness and the leather and the craftsmanship and
\ the looks. Do I need anything with me? Not really, I'll just go. 418, right?
\ I hope I still have access. I walk the arrows towards it and the door lets me
\ through, thanks. I ride the elevator again and close the heavy door behind me.
\ I don't think I can open it again on my own, but I don't want to so it's fine.
\ I get outside and it's raining, of fucking course, but the air is nice,
\ I take a deep breath. When was the last time I walked in the rain?

...

Oh yeah, when the sirens started to sing, and I still don't know what it was.
\ What a ride, huh. A ride I didn't like in the end, I'm fucking done, I'm spent,
\ I can't. I won't kill myself without 28's permission, like I promised her,
\ but I just can't. I'll just sit here under a tree and wait for something
\ to happen I guess. I should be hungry, but I'm not. My pussy aches, but it's
\ of little concern. I'm so tired of everything I'm barely registering
\ any sensations at all, like the cold water on my face or the cold soggy ground
\ under my ass... I'm appreciating the symmetry, this weather is exactly how
\ I feel inside. I'd sing something sad and hopeless if I could, but, you know.
\ It's not a self-pity session, it's just an observation of a life not worth living.

I hug my knees and drop my head, cold water lands on my neck and rolls down
\ my collar. There's an earthworm doing its thing on the ground, I watch it.
\ I'll name you... Matt. Memory comes back in fragments. So it wasn't
\ an imaginary 28 talking to me in my mind, it was the real one talking
\ to agents, what was she saying? They are not my friends? That's a shame,
\ I did consider them friends, but come to think of it, who am I to them?
\ A source of amusement, not much else. I took this whole thing so much more
\ serious than I should have. This "operation" may have been just a little
\ roleplay to keep agent Mistress entertained, and what did you turn it into,
\ Mute? And what did you turn yourself into? And how do you come back
\ from there? You don't, do you?

I take my phone out. I want to tell her how I feel right now, but I'm not sure
\ I'll find the will to send the message. I don't think I'll have signal here
\ anyway, but I want to type it, so I start composing. I take my time editing
\ and rewriting it, I want the words to reflect my feelings.

> I'm writing this while you're still 28. I want you to know I didn't enjoy it,
> at all. I feel empty, sad, tired and extremely guilty. I also feel I love you,
> probably because I've hurt you so much, and I also feel I won't be able
> to look into your eyes ever again, and it tears me apart. I still have
> no idea what you feel towards me if anything, but whatever it is I want
> most of all for you to be happy. Please. I realize these feelings may
> change soon, so I find it important to capture them before I forget.

There is something else. I think it over. Yes.

> If we meet again under right circumstances I want you to lace my pussy up
> and accept it as my gift to you, it's all I have so I can't offer anything else.
> This is not about sex, this is a friendship symbol, however weird and insane
> it may look. These eyelets are a part of you inside me, I want you to swear
> you won't take them out and won't let others do it.

Nothing else comes to mind, I put the phone away. It sure is unpleasant sitting
\ under cold rain, I shiver. Matt is gone now, he has more important things to do
\ than keep me company I guess. Someone is coming though, I hear movement through the rain.

"Awaiting orders, mam."

I don't lift my head. I don't care whether it's Bunny or Foxy, I have no
\ further orders for you, agent. I don't want her to stand in the rain though,
\ and I don't want to sound sexy.

"go-a-way"

"Negative, mam."

"I-res-cind-me-ta-or-der"

"Negative, mam."

I guess it still counts as another order, so she needs to approve it.
\ Fair, but annoying.

"I-or-der-you-to-a-void-cat-ching-cold"

"Acknowledged, mam."

"dis-missed"

...

"Permission to sit beside you, colonel."

That's low. I look up. Bunny is standing at attention in front of me.
\ Fuck you agent, this was uncalled for. Okay, sexy voice now.

"Fuck you agent Bunny. My impression is you did not for one second take this
\ assignment seriously. You did not consider me a real colonel before, so using
\ this shit against me now should be beneath you."

She doesn't respond and she doesn't move. I drop my head back. Do what you want,
\ I can't stop you from standing.

"Apologies, mam."

"What for?"

"For using this shit against you now, mam."

"I don't think I'm the right person to apologize to, I think very little
\ of myself at the moment. Seek forgiveness from your own honour."

She stands in silence, I sit in silence. What is this, Fight Club?
\ You are too fucking blonde? I'm not fighting, not today.

...

Fuck, we're outside. What if the rain is radioactive? You stubborn child,
\ you won't leave me alone, would you? Fine, you win. I get up and go towards
\ the hatch. I'll just be miserable inside, whatever. And while I'm busy being
\ miserable I'll give you something to do as well. We go down the hatch. I lead
\ Bunny into the bedroom and point to my art installation from what feels like
\ many years ago. It's in there somewhere.

"Bunker may have been exposed to radiation, count all the geigers."

Her hand jerks to salute me, but she stops it half way and starts digging around
\ after a brief pause. Good, no more of this colonel crap I hope. She finds
\ the counter, turns it on and goes out. I want to drop on the bed, but I'm
\ wet and dirty and the bed did nothing wrong to me. It's so cold here I can see
\ my breath. I need to wash my ass and the boots, but I don't want to, I'll just
\ sit on the floor, or better yet lie down. I remember pony days again, that was
\ the highest point of my life, and now it's the lowest, what a ride indeed.
\ Could I convince them to let me live in the bunker from now on? Would I be
\ able to? Probably not, I'd just poison myself with a mushroom or get lost
\ in the woods immediately. I can't survive on my own, I'm nothing like Old Man.
\ I can't go back though. I don't want to think about the future, it's gonna have
\ to happen on its own. Fuck it's cold, I've been shivering for a while now.
\ Maybe I'll just go to sleep and don't wake up, that would be easier for everyone...
\ I close my eyes. Whirring and thumping make me drowsy, I don't mind tuning out for a bit...

"Mam, what are you doing?" -- spoken with concern and maybe a hint of fear.
\ Are you afraid for me or for yourself, agent? And what's it with the mam again?

"Mam, please get up!" -- now a hint of... pleading? She doesn't feel in control,
\ probably for the first time in a while. Maybe it's Foxy.

I open my eyes. Agent Foxy stands in the doorway with bags in her hands, like
\ she's back from shopping. She's out of breath, did she have to go up the stairs?
\ That's rough.

"Mam, you have to get up!" -- definitely pleading. It's me who's a stubborn
\ child now, isn't it? Do I hate them enough to continue? No, not really.
\ Okay, whatever, I get up.

"Mam..."

What? Not much to say, is it? I sit on the chair, better? She goes out, but soon
\ returns without the bags, looks at me and goes out again. I hear her walking
\ around the bunker, then there are some, like, housekeeping sounds. Agent Bunny
\ walks into the room, looking busy, she takes measurements and stands in front of me.

"No contamination, m--" -- she catches herself. No, it doesn't sit right with me.
\ I didn't ask you to be here. I didn't ask you to care for me. I did ask you
\ to stop acting, indirectly, but it shouldn't be against your wish, agent.

"Address me however you want, don't twist yourself, it's not a big deal. Keep
\ saluting if you want. Do what you want, in general. Just be informed I don't
\ feel very social right now."

"Understood. Mam. Sorry, it just feels natural. I don't know what I want.
\ I want to help you."

"I don't dislike you, agent. It's completely normal you don't consider me a friend."

She looks like she wants to say something, but she doesn't.

"See if agent Foxy needs help."

She hesitates for a second, then puts the counter back into the pile and leaves.
\ I don't want to get up yet. It's still cold, I put my hands to my mouth
\ and blow into them. Doesn't really help. So I take it they won't leave,
\ not without me at least. I don't want to be a spoiled princess they have
\ to serve, but I'm not ready to do anything. I also don't want to invent
\ solutions, I just want to lie down again. You know what, I'll do that.

I take my boots off, then unzip the catsuit and get out of it. I'd just leave it
\ on the floor, but I don't want to keep being a three-year-old throwing a fit,
\ so I put it on a chair instead. I'm fucking freezing now, and I welcome
\ the frost, it fits my mood. I take off my panties, get under the blanket
\ and turn to the wall, shivering again. This is my final form, agents,
\ you'll have to work around it, whatever your work is.

Someone comes into the room and doesn't move for a minute, then it sounds like
\ someone's undressing. Oh, don't do that to me, don't guilt-trip me into
\ not being guilty, that just might not work as you expect. Steps come closer
\ and now someone is in the bed, spooning me. It feels nice, I don't want nice,
\ but I'm too tired to object.

"I want to warm you up, mam." -- so it must be Bunny then. She is warm, and
\ I feel very silly, still like a child or you know what? Oh, oh-oh-oh, ooooh,
\ here it comes, [[here it comes.|next]]

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