101 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
101 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
Why is she doing it? Obviously she won't just take one out and leave the others,
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\ right? Like why would you do it? She's taking them all out, why? I like them,
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\ I want them there, this is unfair, I didn't ask for this, I didn't allow this,
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\ Stop, stop, STOP! Put them back and get your hands off of me! I want 28 back,
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\ she wouldn't do this, she would keep her promise, I know she would...
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"Something's wrong here. Like it might hurt a bit, but it shouldn't..."
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At fucking last! She stops undoing the flarings, with pliers I guess, and sits
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\ silent, maybe thinking about something. Then she gets off the bed and walks
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\ towards my head and looks me in the eyes.
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"Do you think I don't remember what I've sworn to you?"
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Well maybe you did forget, but now it came back.
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"Answer me."
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How else should I interpret what's happening? You told me you won't take them
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\ out, but now you are taking them out, I mean what do you want me to say?
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"ANSWER ME!"
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She looks... scary, I nod instinctively. She takes a few steps back, I continue
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\ watching the low ceiling. She keeps silent for a few seconds, then starts
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\ talking, in low voice that doesn't imply anything good.
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"This is unacceptable. To think that I would break a promise, no, an oath, just
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\ like that, gratuitously, willy-nilly, me, an agent, would be bad enough. But
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\ to think that I would under any circumstances break an oath TO YOU! TO YOU!!!
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\ WHO DO YOU THINK I AM, MUTE?! Obviously you think I am some sort of an..."
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She stops and abandons the sentence, but I get the gist. I don't think you're
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\ any sort of anything, but what do you want me to do with the facts, huh?
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\ Again, you did what you told me you wouldn't do, and now you're what, blaming
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\ me that I dared to think of it as what it clearly is?
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"I want to hit something. I feel hurt. By you. Unjustly."
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How is this unjust to you? What the fuck, lady?
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"You are correct in the most banal, technical, uninteresting sense. This cheap
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\ shit will be completely rusted in a year, and even now it looks like cheap
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\ shit, and it's supposed to be a part of me inside of you, isn't it? I wanted
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\ to replace it with something much better, but maybe you are right after all.
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\ Maybe you do want your cunt decorated with rusty blobs, in memory of someone
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\ who only ever existed in your own fantasy world. This is gonna hurt again."
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I feel like what's happening has significance, I may have to give it some
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\ thought later. Em mounts the bed again and puts the eyelet back, and it does
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\ hurt, but not catastrophically, and not for long. She fiddles with the pliers
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\ again to restore the flarings, and it honestly doesn't hurt all that much,
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\ for all her angry talk I'm sure she is being careful still. So... What now?
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\ I don't want to play anymore, I want to be alone again. I guess in some ways
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\ I do have my wish granted, don't I? She made me feel very good, and now I
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\ have zero interest in masturbation, all that without actually having an
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\ orgasm that I was sure is coming and that I was looking forward to, so much.
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"I'll be back."
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She goes out with me still bound to the bed, and I'd really prefer not to be.
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\ There are two Mutes, one is horny and the other is not, and they are very
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\ different in many ways, and I was the one and now I'm the other, and I feel
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\ uncomfortable and silly and vulnerable, and it doesn't feel good. And what
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\ am I supposed to do with this? Am I still considering becoming Em's object?
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\ Do I hope to be the first Mute all the time, like ALL THE TIME? What happens
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\ if I become the second Mute, still being bound by decisions made by the first
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\ Mute? Like I wake up one day like this and what do I think, what do I do?
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\ And what would make the second Mute happy? NOTHING? Being alive is hard work,
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\ unforgiving and unrewarding, and by the way, that's me having it easy.
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\ I haven't yet met one person who'd try to take advantage of me or force me
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\ into anything I wouldn't like, everyone is very kind and supportive, and I
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\ still can't find my place in life, can't even...
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"I apologize. I admit there's my share of being at fault here. I realize I
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\ sometimes behave over the top, irrational and... unconstructive. Having said
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\ that, I still want to punish you."
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Punish me? What for? Em is going though the box again, is she looking for like
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\ a flogger or something? In order to be in the mood again I first need to stop
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\ focusing on how bad I feel at the moment, and it's gonna take some time. I
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\ mean, sure, go ahead if you want to, I'm just not going to enjoy this, if you
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\ find it important for some reason, and I won't correct my behaviour, because
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\ I have no idea what is it that I did wrong. I'm just going to be even more
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\ miserable, whatever.
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She's lacing me up again, then she unties my legs and the jacket and the hook
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\ from the bed, and pulls me up so I sit, and then gestures me to stand up.
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\ I do. I don't really care. A stream of saliva is running down my chest,
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\ someone might find it attractive. She rotates her finger in the air and I
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\ turn around. She gets behind me and takes the hook out. Eh.
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