226 lines
13 KiB
Plaintext
226 lines
13 KiB
Plaintext
I woke up tired, but determined. Today is the day, the last day of this shitshow,
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\ I'll make it count. I was entertaining a particular idea for some time now,
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\ and I think I get it figured out. It involves being in a lot of pain, of course,
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\ so I'm not looking towards it, but at the same time I am. Did I become
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\ a complete masochist by now? If that involves enjoying pain, not really, no,
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\ not at all, but why then do I keep doing it to myself? I voluntarily, even
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\ eagerly subject myself to what others might think is torture, and I don't
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\ have objectively good reasons for it. Something something feeling guilt?
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\ Girl, why do you even feel it in the first place? What did you do wrong?
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\ Something something feeling depressed? Stop being such a hypochondriac
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\ and go find a job! Something something bonding with 28? You don't usually
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\ make friends by hurting them and then hurting yourself in front of them,
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\ now do you? No, no you don't.
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This is just something I know is a right thing to do, I'm just certain I need
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\ to do this is all. I can't explain it, I just know it, or better put,
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\ I perceive it to be true, that's my whole reasoning, I don't have anything else.
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\ Time will tell whether I was right, and the judgement day is coming fast,
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\ and I can't wait, because I'm really tired of this shit by now.
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So, an idea. At first I wanted to do this to 28, but I decided against it,
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\ so I will do it to myself of course, because the idea is just that good,
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\ I can't let it go to waste, I just can't. I don't want 28 to be in agony,
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\ I'm afraid it's gonna hurt too much, but me? I can take it, I'm sure. I also
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\ don't think it's cool to leave an agent with marks that would be easily
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\ identifiable. Yes, she already has one, but it's not a reason to give her more.
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\ Me? Why would I care about being identified? Maybe it even turns me on a bit,
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\ maybe even a lot, all right? Maybe I always wanted my pussy pierced, but didn't
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\ have a chance and guts to do it before. No anesthetics of course, that would
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\ defeat most of the purpose. Ooooh, this is gonna hurt. I shudder. Bunny needs
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\ a heads up, I guess.
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> Please get a refresher on piercing techniques.
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>> Mam, yes, mam!
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It looks silly written in chat, but whatever, I just need to keep up for one day.
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\ One day, I can do it, no problem. Now, there is this thing I'll need to make it
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\ look good. I open the catalog app and make an order, I'll pick it up on my way.
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I take a quick shower. No hot water of course, I don't find it appropriate
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\ to enjoy life. It also sets the mood, I remind myself of the situation and
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\ the mission, and of what to expect. I don't want to do it, but I do, I guess
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\ I'm just repeating myself. Time to go, I put the uniform on and start walking.
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\ I'm sure girls will bring coffee, and I'd rather do it on empty stomach, so
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\ let's skip the canteen and go pick up the order. What did I order? Well,
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\ it's a box of small metal eyelets, a riveter to set them in place and
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\ one black silk ribbon, I'm sure I don't need to explain.
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"Colonel!" -- Bunny isn't here yet, so we can just relax for a bit. Foxy did
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\ bring coffee, much appreciated. I raise the cup in her direction, she salutes
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\ me back and clacks her shoes. I'll just start to write down instructions
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\ for them I guess. Do I draw a picture? Nah, I'm sure they have a bigger sense
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\ of aesthetics than I do anyway, it's gonna be fine. I'll describe the end result
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\ as I see it though, the practical aspects. I want as many as they can fit, but
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\ with some room inbetween, close to the edge, but not right at the edge...
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\ I want it to look good open, but I also want it to look good laced up. I hope
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\ they can work with this, we'll see. You know, if it will come out all crooked
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\ and uneven, I can accept it as well, I appreciate a bit of punkiness here
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\ and there. And there, heh. What was it, wabi-sabi or something? Anyway. I would
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\ prefer symmetry and order though, like a well-made piece of leather clothing,
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\ this is what I have in my mind. I'm removing time limit for today, they should
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\ not hurry anywhere. I'm also reminding that 28 must have a good view of what's
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\ happening, both the work area and my face. I hit the send button.
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As Foxy reads my message, her face twitches just slightly. Does she approve?
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\ Does she think it's too much? Is it her kink or is it very much otherwise?
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\ Maybe it's nothing and she just had a completely unrelated little twitch,
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\ my depravity having nothing to do with it? I don't really care as long as
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\ she wouldn't object, I am my own judge, jury and executioner, thank you
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\ very much. She looks at me. Do I see a hint of sadness in her eyes? Oh,
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\ it's gone now, back to strict professionalism. Good for you, agent Foxy,
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\ I'm sure you are a perfectly stable person with a long happy life in front of you.
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"Of course, mam."
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I guess I'm not insane yet then. I need to deal with Old Man now, he might get
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\ another stroke should the picture become too vivid. I come to his bed and sit
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\ beside him. He's looking good, smiling at me, and I yet again feel very tired.
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> Today is the last day of 28's suspension and I have a special show for her.
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> Could you turn away and... not watch it? It might take several hours I'm afraid.
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"If you promise me you'll be alright, Mute." -- his face is serious now, I'm
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\ a fucking open book to everyone I guess. I nod. -- "Just don't overdo it, please."
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I shouldn't oversell it to myself again, it may very well be not that bad.
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\ I sign hesitation, but catch myself, he might get the wrong idea.
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> I won't overdo it. It may even be not a big deal, I just want to
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What is it, Mute? Why do you want Old Man to turn away? I need a good reason. I sigh.
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> make this personal between us, sorry.
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"Oh man, I never wanted to intrude, I'm just stuck here in this stupid bed
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\ you know..." -- I hug him. Please don't get me all guilty again. --
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\ "Of course, I'll just read this book and you do your thing... Mute,
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\ it's alright, I don't mind one bit..."
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I accept your generosity, Old Man. I nod and get up. Now, 28 herself. I walk
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\ to her bed and look at her, thinking how best to do this. She oinks at me.
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\ Today I want her without stuff, so I take her hood off. I want to see her face
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\ unobstructed. She's sweaty under the leather. Is it fear on her face? Is she
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\ afraid of me? Fuc-king hell, who did I become? Now I want the needle to hurt
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\ as much as it can, like what the fuck Mute. I'll save it for later, now
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\ I'll just lick her face... or not, it may come out as creepy. I'm clearly
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\ in a hole and I should stop digging.
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I lift her bed to sit her upright, take my coffee and hold the cup against
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\ her lips. She takes a sip and oinks at me. Good piggy. I stroke her head
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\ and scratch behind her ear. Bunny walks in and salutes me, holding a bag
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\ in her left hand. Foxy shows her my message and Bunny starts to read. I walk
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\ towards them, anxious, I need Bunny to accept. I stand in front of them
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\ while Bunny reads, finally she nods.
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"Mam, yes, mam!" -- I exhale with relief, let's do it.
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I undress while they position the X-cross so that 28 will have a good view.
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\ When they finish I walk towards it and they fix me in place, facing 28 of course.
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\ Foxy puts a bit gag in my mouth and a posture collar on my neck, and she
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\ locks it tight, I'm guessing her reasoning being I want to watch 28's face,
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\ I don't need to watch the surgery itself. I would be wet by now in other
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\ circumstances, but all I feel is what a bad person I am and how much
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\ it's gonna hurt very soon.
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I hear a small appliance buzzing. Oh fuck, I completely forgot about it.
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\ Oh-oh-oh-OH-OH-OH-OOOH-OOOOOOH! No waxing I guess, just your plain simple
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\ epilator. They don't wait for pain to go away, they keep going.
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\ OH-OH-OH-OH-OOH-OOOOH-OOOOOOOH-OOOOOOOOOOH! FUCK! I'd thrash in my bonds
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\ already, but they don't give any play at all. Good, I don't want to make
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\ any sound, Old Man may become worried more than I'm sure he already is.
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I think about Old Man and accept the pain. Actually I don't need to be
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\ all that guilty towards him, tomorrow I'll stop hurting him I hope. This is
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\ the last time you need to be unhappy because of me, Old Man, I promise.
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\ OOOOOH-OOOOOOOOOH the pain returns. I focus on 28. Her face is sad
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\ once again, I got used to this picture. She looks at me with tearful eyes,
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\ like always, probably begging for the pain to stop. My pain, not hers. I guess
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\ my pain becomes her pain, which was the plan all along. Why am I so cruel
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\ to you, 28? I love you! You are the most dear thing in this small world
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\ of mine and it is my duty to hurt you, why? Why do I go along with this,
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\ why didn't I stop this, what was it, Milgram experiment? A long time ago?
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\ Immediately? I know why. You've become the most dear thing in my life
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\ exactly because I've hurt you so much. Was it your wish? Did I guess right?
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\ If it was, why are you so sad? I hope your sadness will go away,
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\ you don't need to wo--
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SSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIII--
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I close my eyes and pant heavily. It was a big deal after all, I guess the needle
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\ came through. It will come through many more times and I'm thankful for that.
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\ I open my eyes again, blink to clear tears away and look at 28. She's crying now,
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\ keeping silence best she can. You shouldn't wo--
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OH-OH-OH-OH-Oh-oh-OH-OH
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I think they are installing an eyelet into the hole, it hurts as well. Can you
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\ get used to this? Will it hurt more or less? I feel pressure, more pressure,
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\ MORE PRES-- FUUUUUUUCK they must have crimped the eyelet now. I think Bunny
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\ does the work and Foxy? Maybe hands the instruments. I hope they let 28 see
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\ as much as possible, I want her to know what's happening, to imagine what
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\ I feel and also to appreciate the resu--
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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That's a second, the opposite side now. Actually it isn't that bad. The pain
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\ is sharp and overwhelming, but it goes away quickly, leaving just a throbbing
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\ that I can IGNORE NO PROB-- I pant heavily again. Thank fuck for the gag,
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\ I'll be grinding my teeth now if not for the gag. I think we'll need
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\ to throw it aWAY NOW FOR ALL THE BITE MArks should I not chew through it
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\ outright. I hope I won't, that would be a problem. My mind is starting
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\ to slow down. I should focus on 28 again, no more distractions. She's still
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\ crying silently, I want her tears to go awa--
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa...
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How much more to go... Does it matter... Before my eyes is not 28 as she is
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\ at the moment, but the face of 28 holding a gun against my forehead,
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\ her mouth... trembling... her eyes... in panic... Yeah, that's another
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\ eyelet going in, yeah, it hurts like hell, yeah, I want it to stop,
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\ but does it matter... No, it's nothing in comparison to what I did to her.
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\ Now, NOW the guilt is here, and it hits like a fucking truck, and I'm drowning
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\ in it, helplessly trying to get on surface, but there is no hope, there is
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\ no surface, there is only 28's face... I'm drowning in her face, I can't
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\ breathe very well, I'm not going to be able to ever look at her again, and
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\ I love her so much now, because I've hurt her so much, and how is this not
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\ the most fucked up thing there is... -- "come here" -- 28 is talking to me,
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\ sorry 28, I can't move, I'd do anything you ask for, but I can't... -- "well
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\ who's fault is that?" -- mine, this is all my fault... -- "if you weren't
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\ so unbelievably dumb" -- I was, and I still am, and I'm so sorry... -- "look
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\ at her face" -- whose face, 28? -- "I don't think she can hear us" -- oh,
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\ agent Foxy comes into view, of course she can't... -- "why are you here?" --
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\ to overview your punishment... -- "well, are you helping?" -- I don't know,
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\ I don't know, 28... -- "what do you think is happening here?" -- I'm hurting
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\ myself in order to punish you... -- "overall, do you think I'm just playing
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\ with some girl from above?" -- I didn't consider this... -- "well, I'm not" --
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\ I'm sorry you sound so sad... -- "the orders did not come from me" -- I know,
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\ all the orders were mine, it's all my fault... -- "classified" -- yes, that's
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\ the name you gave me, 28 -- "you are such a failure" -- I know, I know and
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\ I'm so so sorry... -- "you were given an order" -- I didn't have
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\ to follow it... -- "an order is an order, you have to do it and do it right" --
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\ but I'm not a real colonel, I'm just a useless camwhore... -- "you should
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\ think what you are going to do after" -- I'll go away, lay down and
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\ never get up... -- "why did you go along with this?" -- because I got
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\ carried away... -- "were you coerced into it?" -- no, I could have refused
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\ at any moment... -- "whatever you do, don't give her reason to feel guilty" --
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\ agent Foxy, I take full responsibility... -- "I understand
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\ you aren't friends" -- I still like her, and she's friends with you... --
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\ "if anything bad happens to her" -- I won't allow it... -- "and she is
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\ this close to harming herself" -- Foxy, please, none of this is
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\ on you... -- "shmerapy, she needs a friend" -- I am the worst friend anyone
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\ can find... -- "a genuine friend, not an ordered one" -- I know I can't order
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\ friendship... -- "you have less than a day" -- I'll do my best, 28, I'll do
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\ anything... -- "I repeat, why are you here?" -- I don't know, I'm so sorry... --
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\ "get your noggin' joggin'" -- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... --
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\ "wake up" -- but I'm not sleeping... -- "wake up" -- 28, I love you... --
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\ "wake up" -- you smell so nice...
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There is a new sensation, I'm being slapped across the face.
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"Mute, wake up."
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[[28 stands before me.|next]]
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(end of page)
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